do you deserve to be here?

Many ask the same question. From Reddit to Fizz, Stanford students are quick to doubt the merits of their admission. Case in point: students have penned several Daily articles on the subject of requesting and viewing their Stanford admissions files.

At some level, it's not hard to understand why people ask. It's Stanford, after all; feats most of the world seems to consider highly impressive are commonplace here. Walking (and biking) among world-class athletes, aspiring politicians, and a growing swarm of impressive but often sleazy startup founders, it can be difficult to feel adequate. It's enough for some students to begin to obsess over the factors leading to their admission, an unhealthy distortion that can sap enormous amounts of time and emotional energy.

If that's you, Stanford knows how you feel. That's why they've written page after page on belonging, imposter syndrome, and even duck syndrome. Stanford wants you to know that your fears aren't founded, that you're impressive and smart and talented enough, that you belong here. But this somewhat performative lip service only goes so far, meaning you might still find yourself wondering:

What if they're wrong?

how do you know?

In part, the question of "deserving" is compelling because it's so difficult a question to answer empirically. Like its peer institutions, Stanford's "holistic" admissions process is (superficially) documented but ultimately not fully understood. While official documentation and FERPA requests provide some insight into application must-haves and best practices, the razor-thin difference between admission and rejection for qualified applicants exists in playing the game, if you will.

As with any game worth winning, some folks will opt for pay-to-play. Thankfully for them, a select few individuals claim to have special knowledge of this elite black box. These consultants, whether they're former AOs or recent alums, sell their purported expertise, their "golden ticket," to the highest bidder. Of course, these consultants might not know as much as they say; for all we know, they're misleading their clients with outdated or irrelevant advice, or feedback better scoped to a different applicant.

Maybe no one actually knows how to win this game. Maybe it's a crapshoot. Whatever the case may be, practically no one can honestly and comprehensively explain the reasons for which they were admitted.

naysayers

Given the uncertainty around this question, compounded by Stanford's competitive socioacademic landscape, many students feel the need to justify their place at Stanford—to themselves and to others.

Over time, both in person and online (Fizz et al.), I've heard people present their respective theses as to why they belong at Stanford, perhaps in a way countless others do not. Here are some variants I've heard:

• I'm a legacy, and while it may have given me some unknown, arbitrary boost, I got in by and large through my hard work and impressive application.
  • Naysayer: No matter what you say, no matter what you did, your admission was probably decided by your legacy status. Thus, the merit of achievements bears less weight.
• I didn't grow up with means, and I lacked quality educational opportunities growing up. I got in through my grit, perseverance, and raw talent.
  • Naysayer: Your marginalized status clearly helped you get in. That alone means you were accepted for more than just merit.
• I worked hard in high school to get in here. I'm not a legacy, nor do I have any other "hooks," so I know I got in through merit alone.
  • Naysayer:
    • You went to a private school or a highly performing, well-funded public school, setting you up with the resources you needed to get into a school like this. It's no surprise, and we're not impressed.
    • Even if you didn't, maybe you had parents who placed a high value on education and achievement, giving you a leg up against kids who did not grow up in an environment conducive to academic and professional achievement.

While the possibilities above are far from exhaustive, the point is that students here frequently find ways to undermine and delegitimize their classmates' self-narratives in order to bolster their own. Wrong as it may be, it is far from uncommon.

back to the question

Do you deserve to be here?

Many fixate on this very question. For some students, especially early on, it can become all-consuming. Speaking for myself, this question blinded me to a counterproductive degree; the productivity I lost ruminating on my worth cost me valuable time and academic performance.

Having left all that behind, I have some advice: zoom out.

Stanford's messaging on belonging and imposter syndrome is helpful, but it is ultimately incomplete. Student perspectives published by Stanford provide useful examples of students who successfully kicked imposter syndrome. However, they do not fully address the harm done by naysayers who scrutinize and criticize the self-images of others. Once you see that behavior within the bigger picture, you begin to wither the roots of inadequacy and plant the seeds of self-advocacy.

In that sense, the specific question of if one "deserves" to be at Stanford is irrelevant. After all, whether or not one's application "hooks" improved their odds of getting in, what does that matter now? They're here. You're here.

Well, maybe we can still employ the lens of "deserving," albeit from a different angle: perhaps those who "deserve" to be at Stanford are those who wish to make something of the opportunity in front of them. Whether they were born into privilege or born with nothing at all, their desire to make a meaningful impact, big or small, might determine the extent to which they "deserve" the opportunities afforded to them.

Let me be clear: within my proposed framework, you don't have to know how you'll make an impact during or after college, or even feel immediately motivated to act right away. If you're asking whether you deserve this opportunity, I posit you're already on the right track; your ability to feel doubt likely proves your intellectual depth and interest.

Like Stanford always says, you belong, even if your journey to belonging diverges from what the institution presents.

Use this rare opportunity to uplift yourself and others simultaneously.

Don't let meritocracy hold you back.

p.s.

This is my first essay for this website. If you have ideas, suggestions, feedback, or anything else you'd like me to see, shoot me an email at hey@essays.wtf.

Also, if you're interested in joining, I made a mailing list.